We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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