I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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