Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
