Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
