She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
