This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
