That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
