I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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