:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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