You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
