I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
