Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
