You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
