batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
