Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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