she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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