Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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