Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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