can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You were trust falling into bushes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
