I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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