I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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