I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
