girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
