Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
