Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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