This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm always down for nudity.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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