Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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