So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
