3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
