And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Boobs are out for the taking
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
40s are totally the cure
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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