So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just had sex on a roof
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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