I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dear god my vagina.
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