good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
