I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I party with great urgency now.
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