her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
