Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
