Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
