I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
