She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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