Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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