Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
