Porn is love you can see.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
