I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
