she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
