...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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