can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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