You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
