I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
