It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
