Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
