dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
