You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
